


I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU

by STAILS565



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series), Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Bottom Ryan Bergara, F/M, Gen, M/M, Soul Bond, Top Shane Madej
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2020-03-19 19:26:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18976852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/STAILS565/pseuds/STAILS565
Summary: Ryan Bergera is in love with his best friend and Co Worker Shane Madej. But he keeps it in and let's the jealousy grow more and more as he watches the one that has his heart with other people. Will he gets what he wants or no?





	1. *~SHADOWS~*

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys, first fic under this fandom. hope you enjoy! ^~^
> 
> *~NO COPYRIGHT INTENDED~* 
> 
> *~SONG THAT INSPIRE THIS IS: Shadows by Reparture ~*

_"I don't_ _want us_   
_to fade away so lets make them go away_   
_lets keep the shadows around us_   
_and i don't wanna fade away_   
_so lets make this ok_   
_lets keep on fire away"_   
**-Shadows by Reparture**

Ryan Bergara, worker of Buzzfeed, creator of Unsolved and a currently a nervous wreck has a crush on his co worker and best friend Shane Madej. But he does not know how to say it, Every time he is next to him: his heart beats fast, butterflies in his stomach, he tries not to blush when his crush's attention is on him. he begins to think to ask for help, But sometimes the thought of them telling Shane comes to his mind. Thinking if that happens he will lose the chance and he will not want that at all.

On Saturday Morning, He is watching some movies at the living room as his phone rings. he pauses the film and checked the Phone ID and sees ' _Keith_ _Habersberger_ '. He answer him feeling happy Keith finally replied to the message he left on Monday.

" Hey Ryan, sorry your message slipped on me," Keith greets apologetic to his friend with a chuckle of embarrassment. That made Ryan chuckle a bit to himself knowing how sorry his friend is sometimes when he could not reply on time.

The man answers," it is okay Keith I understand you were busy I'm patience so it is okay". he reassured his friend and when he heard a sighed at the other end; it gives the sign that Keith is reassured.

" Alright, Ryan thank you so much,"The Other man responded," You do know I will not say any secret you will tell me right?" his tone is reassuringly to Ryan to calm his fast beating heart that he did not notice it.

Ryan took a deep breath," ye- yes Keith I know, I'm sorry I should off known you will not tell", he scratches behind his head embrassed now.

" It is alright Ryan," Keith answers," you could not helped it, and by this you could not keep it in no more,"

Ryan looks down trying to find words on what he will say to his friend, he took a deep breath and replies", ye-yeah I can not, I get jealous easily Keith." he stood up from the sofa and goes to the kitchen to get a drink of Apple Juice," He seems happy with others. others better than me, I'm not worthy Keith". On the other end, Keith is eating some Fried Chicken as he listens to Ryan's ranting about his feelings for Shane. his wife is out for some 'girl time' as it usually called with Ariel.

The tall man swallow the bite of fried chicken before he will reassure," Ryan, you are worthy for his love man. you are, you need to fight for what you want. there is people that seem better than you But if the love is true, it does not matter what of the flaws are, of what they look like," Ryan starts to calm down hearing it.

" fight for what you want," Keith repeated," do not let your thoughts take over. love yourself Ry. You need to work on that," Ryan sit down on the sofa again looking at the ceiling, he could not help to let tears fall. he feels so safe around Keith on this things.

Ryan took a deep breathe and says," Tha-thank you Keith. Thank you so much for this words", he wipes his tears. he heard Keith chuckles at the other end.

" you are welcome Ryan," Keith replies happily," I'm here to help you try to remember that, You are not alone in this thing". he bites again to the Fried Chicken to wait for Ryan's reply.

The man stayed silent looking down and answers," I will try to remember I'm not alone". He now has someone to tell his feelings to.

" good now I should go now I need to wash this dishes before Becky comes home. we can get together and talk more," the tall man says," what do you think?"

Ryan answers," good idea Keith see you later take care", he sounded happy after that small vent he has and Keith's encouragement.

" I will Ryan," Keith replies," you too remember fight it don't let it get to you".

Ryan answers," Will do too," sure he can do it and not let it take over. They both hang up the phone. He place his device on the table and lays down the sofa, then he started to think on what to do.

'  _I hope I can really do it,"_ he thought to himself,'  _I will make sure I will not fail'._


	2. *~WHEN YOUR CRUSH CALLS~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hey guys, starting out more. Hope You enjoy this second chapter. Honor that feedback starts in comments and kudos section. ^~^*
> 
> *~NO COPYRIGHT INTENDED~* 
> 
> *~SONG THAT INSPIRED IS: Perfect by Ed Sheeran~*

  
Ryan woke up very tired not knowing where he is for a moment. He then notice he is on the sofa with a blanket covering him and a somewhat uncomfortable position. He feels slight pain in his body and stretch that made some bones crack follow by a moan.

"Damn next time I'll aim for the bed," He says to himself going to his kitchen to get his breakfast. He cook some eggs and made some coffee. The phone then starts to ring from the counter near the power socket used for charging last night. when he is done with the food he goes to see who is calling and his eyes widen at the caller ID. 

' _Shane_ _Madej_ ' is calling him this morning. 

' _should I answer_?' he thought to himself as he hears the phone ring again. his heart say answer, his mind saying no. 

He talks to himself that is just for the work, just for the work. he answers with that in mind. 

"hey Shane," Ryan greets as best he could 

Shane greets back," hi Ryan did you slept well man?" 

" I slept well thank you Shane,"the other male responds he goes to serve his breakfast as he finds some earphones with a microphone to continue speaking with his crush

Shane informs," well, Ryan I call you because I'm stuck on what we will do for the next season. I lay out some on your desk. But maybe we can hang out on the break on that somewhat fancy restaurant you wanted to go before"

Ryan stop eating his food for a moment to comprehend what Shane ask. Was he really asking him out on a date? No,it feels to fast. He wants a small meeting about work or a friendly hang out.

He swallowed the piece he was chewing and answers," uh, of course I love that Shane".

"Sweet, Bergera see you at work," the taller male says happily

The smaller one replies," see you at work Madej," he hangs up the phone. Staying quite for a moment and not caring for a bit his food getting cold.

'hope I will not let him know my feelings', he thought as he starts eating his food again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! ^~^ More to come stay tune! ^~^


	3. *~ CLOSE TO YOUR CRUSH~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The third part of this story*  
> *Hope you enjoy! ^~^*  
> *~NO COPYRIGHT INTENDED~*  
> *~SONG USED FOR INSPIRATION BY: Shiver by Coldplay~*

Ryan got dressed with his usual attire and shoes. he locked the door upon going out. He goes to the car,got in and think before starting his car to go to the office. what will he do he wonders.. Shane loves Sara not him. He got to the building almost a few minutes late, he parks his car and turns it off staying inside it thinking if he should go in or not. He sees Shane outside walking towards him. That made him get out to greet him.

"Hey Shane," he greets with a smile

The taller male greets back," Yo Ryan. You okay in that noggin of yours?"

"Uh I'm alright, you know still slight sleepy ," the smaller male gives a fake chuckle hoping that will calm his friend down

Shane frowns knowing when his friend isn't alright, But knowing Ryan not wanting to talk about it yet he calms down.

They go to their desks inside the building, greeting Devin,Freddie, and Jen that came almost same time as them.

"So what do you have in mind Shane?" Ryan asks trying to ignore the butterflies inside his stomach as he sits on his chair looking at the taller

Shane gets the papers he got together to show his friend what he came up with.

 **********  
At the Try Guys Office, Eugene was alone and Try to keep himself from being vulnerable just incase one of the others comes in. Only Keith understood what was wrong,much like he does on Ryan's situation. And seems as he was summon telepathically the taller of the four came in.

"Having problems concentrating?" he asks the other sitting beside him

Eugene answers," yeah, can't seem to not think about this. It always goes back to it".

Keith sighs,"much like what I told Ryan. Do not let it beat you, fight for what you want, you are not alone in it."

Eugene listens to Keith and understands him. Then they watch Ned coming to their office.

"Hey Ned," Keith greets the one that come in

Ned greets back," hey Keith, Eugene".

Eugene looks away after waving hiding his face that is blushing.

 _'Hope I can do this',_ He thinks as Ned sits close by for more work for their YouTube channel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hope you enjoyed this third part. More to come soon! Stay Tune!^~^ *


	4. *~ WHAT CAN I DO?~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, Sorry took a while. hope you enjoyed this chapter! 
> 
> *~NO COPYRIGHT INTENDED~* 
> 
> *~SONG INSPIRATION: Beautiful Soul By Jesse McCartney ~*

Ryan sees that what Shane picked was that Annabelle Doll. He felt shivers down his spine upon seeing pics of the doll.

"What do you think?" Shane asks his partner in crime for his search for an Episode topic.

The smaller male breathes deeply trying to compose himself in his seat seeing the pics of the most well known haunted artifact. He always felt chills seeing that item.

"It..it is a good pick," he managed to say to his crush placing the pics on his desk,"we need time to get ready now for going to where it is kept."

Shane smiles mischievously at the agreement Ryan said about going to the Warren Occult Museum. each episode had a good topic to go under and since the Co-worker House Call and the  La llorana episode those special ones will be rarely made and the topic of the museum got his interests. He sees Ryan start to research about the haunted item as he goes to search for more topics of the episodes after of both Supernatural and True Crime. While Shane does his own thing, Ryan searches for the information and at the same time trying to ignore his thoughts of the feeling inside. During the research and break time coming on. he stands up from his desk and goes to the break room to get some snacks. he passes his other friends upon entering the room. 

Ryan begins thinking on what he will do to reveal his feelings for Shane. would the revealing be good for the end of the filming or after the releasing of the episode. he bump into Steven and Andrew on the way back. 

"oh I'm sorry guys," the male says with a nervous chuckle and scratching behind his head. 

Steven responds," it is alright Ryan." he chuckles too," are you alright?" he frowns seeing a bit of his friend's personality. 

" I'm...Fine Steven..I..I..It is fine," Ryan answers Andrew stood silent he observes carefully the body language of the man in front of the two," let's talk later okay?" 

The Worth It Host stays quite before answering," okay let's do it see ya later". they went to separate ways.  when Andrew and him go to their desks when half of the office is still in the break. 

"I think I know what is wrong?" Andrew speaks up after a peaceful moment. Steven looks at his boyfriend. 

Steven says," yeah, what is wrong with him?" he raises an eyebrow waiting for his boyfriend's response. 

the other member of Worth It says," is something about Shane. I observed sometimes and he feels a bit nervous around him". 

"huh alright," Steven says  looking at no one in particular," should we help him on whatever it is?" 

Andrew answers," yes we should. you will probably remember how hard it was for you too". that sends Steven blushing. they will be one to help him when the time of Ryan asking for help. 

Outside of the building before the lunch break ends, 

" _What should I do? what should I do? shit..._  " Ryan thinks as he paces back and forth. 

what will be the plan? and will it go well? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! More to come soon! since is also a Ned x Eugene their side will be up. stay tune for what is to come! ^~^


	5. *~TEAMWORK STARTING~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Hey Guys, The fifth one. My apologies in uploading late. Hope You enjoy!*
> 
> *~NO COPYRIGHT INTENDED~*  
> *~SONG THAT INSPIRED THIS CHAPTER: Up All Night by Charlie Puth~*

Eugene's sleep was good after another day, another excruciating day passed. He curses himself again for feeling something deeply for Ned,A marry friend and one of his best fucking friends. He does not want to ruin his friendship with him at all. But sooner or later he needs to tell, even the calmest one of the Try Guys can not keep their emotions in check for long.

He comes out of his room to the living room gently rubbing his eyes and yawning. He overslept slightly. Pesto and Emma were waiting outside,mostly Pesto, for their needs. He chuckles slightly seeing it no matter how long he has them. He will always find it a bit funny their actions. He kneels on one knee before petting Pesto.

"I'm sure you guys slept better than me," he says with a rare smile to Pesto," I will give you what you need hold on". He stands up and steps to the side of Pesto to look for the food and going to both let them go to the bathroom in their usual spot outside.

While doing his normal routine his mind wander for a bit before catching himself then he scold himself for thinking about his crush. He goes to cook some of his breakfast and since he did not enter early, he stays home relaxing until then. They probably will do other videos with each other.

He is glad for that time of work for him is later.

As time passed, he dreaded of going to work and see Ned. he look at the time and gulped as a reaction.   
' _Hope I can keep this feelings in_ ,' he thinks to himself as he gets ready to go to the Office. He decide to get ready slowly so he will be late for today. But he knew the others will not like it.

he finished with his routine and goes to his car. he still feels that dreaded feeling. 

At the office, Zach is in the computer editing a video and finding another idea for a video. he sees Eugene come in the reflective surface of the computer that shows slightly by the glare. 

"hey Eugene," the youngest of the Try Guys greet and the other wave back. 

Eugene says," hey, how is everything?" 

"good, Ned went back on checking with Wes," Zach inform him 

'good', the so call calm Try guy thinks to himself 

The crew was still outside when he got there. Probably something of Keith that they were filming.

He sits on the sofa that was there and looks at the ceiling relaxing more.

Keith came and see his friend deep in thought. He is very observant on the people he is close too. The taller male sit beside his friend making sure the others were away.

"Having some romantic problems Eugene?" Keith guessed calmly

The other looks at him grunting as an answer

"Who is it?" He asks him now

Eugene opens his eyes looking at the ceiling. He stayed quite for a moment. "It...it is Ned," he mouthed the words to Keith.

The other sigh sadly and looks that the others are still busy. He then tells Eugene," come on Follow me on somewhere they can not hear it". He stands up urging the Asian Try Guy to follow suit. Eugene groans before accepting and follow Keith outside of the backyard where they are alone.

Keith stop when they get to the area and places his hands on his waist.Eugene felt somewhat scared which was unusual for the man. Keith breathes deeply," so, when did it start?"

His friend responds," I think it started when we were working on that Kpop topic when we were employed by Buzzfeed".

Keith listen and turn to look at Eugene. That video, one of them was the K Drama. He like the others saw that kiss Eugene and Ned did.

He starts to think what to say after the revealing of his friend. He then gently pinch the bridge of his nose. This remembers what Ryan told him as another friend that is going through this same thing.

"As I told someone else," he starts," you can do this Eugene. You can survive this until is time. You and this person can help each other as teams for this."

The other male asks," who is this other person?"

"It's Ryan," Keith answers gently to his friend," his having the same problem with Shane. You two can help each other out. You aren't alone in this".

Eugene smiles at the knowledge of that. "Thanks for letting me know ", he happily compliments on it

"No problem, you two can do this. Together."Keith says with a smile ," now Idk if you will handle being here. But if you can't you can leave and have a day off."

"Thanks Keith. I'm really grateful". Eugene answers

His friend responds back," no problem bro." He goes to hug his friend before going inside.

Eugene stayed put for a moment more and got out his phone to go to Ryan's inbox. He tried to think on what to say as he typed his saying

_'Hey Ryan, can we get together and help each other out?'_

He then he hover his finger on the sent button before pressing it. He walks inside the house and goes to his desk.

**********  
Ryan found more information on the Raggedy Ann doll. he made a folder like he always do. The work day pass well according to him. He sees Shane speaking to someone on the phone. He could not help but be curious on the conversation his friend,his crush be having on the phone.

"Alright, alright I'll ask her out for this date Gadiel," He says with a sigh," Yeah, she is cute and all. What did I do to deserve this woman."

Ryan looks down knowing who Shane was talking about. His heart starts to break, his feelings will never be return.

When Shane said bye to Gadiel and hung up the phone. He looks at Ryan being bummed. "Hey Ry are you okay?" He asks worry for his friend

Ryan hears his question and say," I'm fine..Shane," his eyes were a bit swollen and that made the taller male worry more.

He gently countered," uh, sure Your eyes say otherwise".

Ryan thinks," shit" he sees himself on a reflective surface and sees that what his friend say was true.

"Its okay just something sad. It passed don't worry about it" he lied to his coworker and friend. Shane stare at him for a second not convinced.

"Ryan, please tell me what is wrong?" He asks again in a worry tone. His eyes look pleading to him almost making Ryan to spill the beans.

Ryan stare to him and breathe deeply, he did not know  he was holding a breath.he lied again," I'm fine, I promise I will tell you when the time comes Shane".

Shane stood silent with arms across his chest almost trying to understand his small friend. He then mutters something under his breath making sure Ryan did not listen. He then say to the smaller male," you better Ryan Bergara. I may be this asshole, But I care alot about you". He narrows his eyes at him.

Ryan nodes in understanding," I promise Shane. I promise".smiling nervously at the intense glare of his crush.

"Good," The taller male answers," so, see you later. I have somethings to do after this." He waved good bye to his friend.

Ryan waves back and as soon as Shane is out of sight and earshot. He sighed deeply almost sadly and places his elbows on the desk of the set they have and massaging his temples.

"He will surely be the death of me," He mutters defeatly

Their work day was over and he goes to his apartment. He feels his legs heavy withs every step. Upon opening the door he leans against it as he closes it. He looks at the ceiling and slid down for a moment.

A painful day indeed like always. Wonder when he will get the strength to reveal. He stayed there for a moment when he hears a buzz from his phone. Curious Ryan takes the phone put of his pocket seeing Eugene sent him a message.

_'Hey Ryan, can we get together and help each other out?'_ Was the text he received.

Ryan raise an eyebrow seeing that text. It was unusual from the calmest of the Try Guys sending this type of text. He sent a reply: _Uh sure, who told..you about the problem?_

_'It was Keith that told me. I have the same problem with......Ned"_ was the reply that came from Eugene

Ryan blinked then reply, _' alright, we can meet. Sucks huh being in love with someone that doesn't love you back...'_

The reply of Eugene took a while: _yeah it is, it is painful..we can do it._

Ryan smiles feeling not alone in this with Eugene. 

_'we can do this'_ , he thinks happily 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *More to come soon. Also may try a oneshot collection later. The info will be later. hope you enjoyed this chapter! Stay tune for more! ^~^ *


	6. I THINK I NEED THE HELP SOMEDAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took a while. Here is the next update more would be coming. hope you enjoy this. 
> 
> *The Music for this chapter: Don't Deserve you by Plumb * 
> 
> *~ I do not own what is used and the music to used to inspired. only thing own is the plot of the story~*

The planning of the video is going alright for the Buzzfeed Unsolved Team. Or that is what the facade would have people believe. Ryan and Shane got the information ready and they are ready to film. The smaller male wonder how long he would keep this in before he would break in front of him and worse in his point of view break in front of the camera. He knows some of the fans already ship him and Shane together; he loves seeing what they can come up with. The stories the fans write and the art that he sees. He admires it all in secret than out, He can't come in between Shane's crush to someone else that will kill him.

' _best to not say my feelings. He deserves someone better than me_ ', Ryan thinks as he looks again the file they put together of Annabelle near the source of his affections/suffering.

**********

  
It has been some tough days in the mind of the 'cool,badass' Try Guy. First he came out as Gay, that area made him extremely nervous on how the people would say. When the majority accepted him and support him upon the upload of his masterpiece of a come out video. He was overwhelmed with joy and love that made him cry. The other try guys congratulate him and each gave him hug. After that he was in the clouds as people would say. As time pass, the feeling of dread grew in him. The next video to do he sees them having a conversation and he is trying to distract himself.

Keith comes in seeing the two speaking of what to do before looking at Eugene being by himself yet again. he walks towards him upon seeing closely his body language. the other one look at him then away rubbing his eyes thinking of an idea on what to do. he feels a hand on his shoulder to reassure his friend. 

"it is fine," Eugene speaks softly to his tall friend making Keith frown. 

Keith responds," I don't know about that but I will be here if you need me Eugene." 

he nodes," alright got it Keith".  he feels the hand move away and walks to the kitchen to make some food. 

Eugene sighs as he glances Ned and Zach again before leaving the area to get something to drink. the time to tell Ned how much he has fallen in love with the guy.  he found a bar on the area and went to the bar section. he asked for the strongest drink the bar has as the bartender. he starts to relax waiting for the drink. 

'  _maybe I need help from Keith someday_ ,' he thinks to himself ,'  _I do not want Ned to hate me and...him'_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave some feedback. more to come soon ^^

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave some feedback! Stay tune! ^~^


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